My Choice

I am not here to say myself, or anyone is right or wrong in their choice on this subject. When you’re a mother, this may be one of the hardest (or easiest) decisions you have ever had to make.

Stay at home?

OR
Go back to work?

Some mothers will weigh out the pros and cons. Some mothers flat out don’t want to leave their baby. Some mothers can’t afford childcare. While some mothers have no choice. Whatever your choice is, you based it on your life style and family needs. No matter what, we are all mothers and we do what we think is best for our family.

My choice. Stay at home. Why? Well, there are a few reasons.

1. We cannot afford childcare. Even if I had a good job, with my pay check and my husband’s pay check combined, we can’t fork out $500+ bucks a month for EACH kid! That’s crazy!

2. Without a doubt, I know my kids are getting what they need.

3. I can teach them things others places can’t (and sometimes don’t teach). Like common sense, morals and values, the love of a family, etc.

Most days…. I want to rip my hair out. With my 4 year old chasing the dog screaming while tracking mud through the house, with my 3 year old emptying out the fridge onto the kitchen floor or finding the art supplies and with her artistic abilities “decorate” the living room walls and floor, with my 1 year old on standing on the kitchen table in a pile of soggy cereal with his cereal bowl on his head splashing the milk everywhere or goes to drink my FULL cup of coffee and spills it all over him and the couch. And to think, this is an average day at my house…

Not only is the above paragraph real, but here are only a few of the many stories of what has really happened.

~ I came out of the bathroom to find Emily with the syrup bottle open and upside down, drizzling it on the living room rug and laughing at it getting on the dog who is licking it up.

~ To my kids, desitin is body paint and hair gel and baby powder is snow. They have covered themselves with it and when I find them they run and smear it everwhere they go, the couch, kitchen table and chairs, all over beds and pillows…

~ The kids have made a concoction of ketchup and chocolate syrup and layered the kitchen floor with it.

~ They have covered the kitchen counter with some flour and about a pound of powder sugar and “drove” cars through it, making my kitchen a sticky, winter wonderland.

 

We (5 bodies and a dog) live in a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom, 800 square foot house. The only time my house is half way clean is from about 9 PM to 7 AM. By 7:05AM you have to find your way through the maze of toys, books and clothes just to get to the bathroom. My house smells like sour milk, the floor is always sticky from juice and I cannot get the smell of pee out of my bathroom! The kitchen counters are always cluttered, the sink is always full, the laundry baskets are non-stop over flowing and the day I fold and put away all the hand towels is also the day I run out of them from cleaning up messes. I deal with non-stop very quiet whining from one kid, do my best to communicate with my “kitty cat” that refuses to say a word other than “meow” and try to figure out the wants of my teething 14 month old that only speaks in baby jargon.

(Some say being a stay at home mom is just an excuse to be lazy. But, regardless of how "easy" us stay at home mommies have it, I can guaranty that those who think this way will not last 1 day in my house.)

 

You might be wondering how or why I do it. The answer is simple............

L-O-V-E.

I love my kids more than anything. More than warm food, more than daily showers, makeup or the latest hair style, more than cute clothes and shoes, more than a vehicle that doesn’t have siding doors, more than a full night’s sleep, more than a fit body, more than alcohol and parties, and more than extra money… I sacrifice more in 6 hours than most people do in 24 hours. I gave up working part time at minimum wage job not so I could stay home and do nothing. I gave it up for my kids. I wanted to be there for them, period. I am very lucky to have a husband who not only make “enough” to support a family of 5, but who also understands if I didn’t get to the dishes or haven’t started on dinner yet. Both my husband and I are proud of our lives. To us, no amount of money is worth leaving the kids with anyone else. I am proud of my choice. I hope you are proud of yours too!

 

(This picture was taken October 2012)

My Bod: Old vs. New

What is true beauty? The answer changes every day. Depending on your own mood, how your husband (or significant other) treats you, what the magazines say, everyone has a different answer to that question. Whether you’re a size 0, 6 or 16 we can all find something "wrong" with our bodies. "I wish I didn't have this nose" "I hate my hair!" "My thighs touch!" "My feet are too big!" Sometimes it’s not just one thing we don't like... We look in the mirror and hate everything. Some people complain but don't make an effort to change, some go over the top with working out, and some are just fine but gripe about the little things ("I hate my freckles").

All throughout my life I have been small, short and very skinny. On my wedding day I weighed a tiny 86 pounds at the age of 23. In sixth grade I stopped growing at 4 feet ¾ inches tall. I was too small. I hated it! Size 0 pants would fall off of me, XS shirts hung off my bony frame. To make it clear, I did NOT have an eating disorder. I ate lots of food and loved it. I was picky, but what I did eat should have packed on the weight. Because of high school dance, I became very fit. My body was tone and what curves I did have were firm. I started liking my body, yet still too shy to show it off.

~

In the above picture I was on my honeymoon. I was 86 pounds, just under 5 feet tall and 23 years old. I look like a 12 year old… Yet, this is what magazines say is "true beauty". Like all women, I see models/other women and instantly start comparing. Even when I was 23 and "truly beautiful", my self-esteem was low, I found flaws: my middle fingers are slightly bent, my nose, a chipped tooth with a crooked smile and large moles on my arm and back. Like I said, even when we look good, we whine about the little things.

 

On my 24^th birthday I was 6 months pregnant and weighed more than I ever have, 102 pounds! And the weight kept on coming. The last time I weighed myself before I gave birth to my son I was 122 pounds. I know right, most women just turned their nose up at me. You instantly hate me. But when you do the math, I gained 36 pounds during my first pregnancy. That's higher then the recommended weight gain for a healthy mother during pregnancy.

 

At this point in my life I was feeling joy, excitement, a little scared and FAT! Even with the reassurance from my husband “You’re so sexy!” “I love you more and more every day.” even with the simple love looks he gave me, I didn’t feel sexy at all. I had major swollen ankles, my face was chubby and my skin was stretched so tight it felt like my belly was going to rip open any second. And, surprisingly no stretch marks… yet.

After I had my son it took about 6 weeks to look normal. I didn’t get down to my pre pregnancy weight but in my mind, that was a good thing. But I will say that I felt very unattractive. When Michael was 4 months old I found out baby number 2 was on the way. There went my chance of toning up my body.

 

~

 

 

Above I'm with my 1 year old son and a very round belly. This was only a few days before my daughter was born. And still, no stretch marks... When my daughter was born she weighed 8 pounds 2 ounces. My doctor said because of my small size, me having an 8 pound baby is like an average size women having a 10 pound baby. Wow!

 

After I had Emily it took a long time for me to feel even a little comfortable with my body. Hearing about and seeing what celebrity had a baby but because of her personal trainer and endless flow of cash she looks better than ever, made me feel very insecure. Having 2 kids 12 months apart gave me no time for, well, me. I let my body go…

 

Only a few weeks after Emily's first birthday I found out (yet again) we were pregnant... After a miserable third trimester, I gave birth to a 9 pound baby boy! HOLY COW! Yes, little me carried a 9 pound child. No wonder I could barely move the last 3 weeks! And yes, this time I ended up with stretch marks. On my hips, butt, thighs, and a little on my belly. Now I hated my body! Not only is my skin stretched out, but now I have stretch marks too! I thought my body would never be beautiful again.

 

~

 

 

Here I am today, 28 years old with my 16 year old sister Rachel. I am happy with my weight at 111 pounds. I am an out of shape, stay at home mother of 3 kids. I had 3 kids in 3 years. After a shower I look in the mirror and like 98% of women out there, I do not like what I see.

 

I asked some moms how they honestly felt about their bodies before kids vs. after kids. Out of the women who answered (including myself); some feel no different, some feel more confident, some don’t feel comfortable but don’t mind it and some hate it… But they all have one thing in common, every one of them said it was worth it. Worth all the stretch marks, loose skin, tired eyes, messy hair, and little to no sleep. When I hear my kids laughing and playing together I couldn’t be happier. And even though I don’t like to show my body off, it doesn’t mean I’m not content. My kids are my life! They mean more to me then a toned body ever could. So I ask again, what is true beauty? My answer is, the mom who cares more about her kids then her own body image! What's your answer?

A real man: My man

As most little girls do, I fantasized of a prince riding in on a white horse. He’d be tall, dark hair, amazing blue eyes, bright smile… He’d pick me up and carry me away and we would live happily ever after. Well by the time I was in my teens this idea seemed childish. Everyone has their own idea of what their dream guy looks and acts like. Due to the life choices we make, we end up with someone not even close or someone very close to our dream guy. We want someone perfect. Unfortunately, no one is perfect. Everyone has secrets. We just don’t dream of the bad. No one dreams of their husband having a bad temper, or an addiction, or being lazy, selfish or a cheater. Truth be told, I ended up with a great catch. My hubby is amazing! We have overcome the bad in both our lives and we are working hard to not only encourage each other but to stand by each other no matter what.

Here is only a few of the many things he does:
changes diapers
gets up in the middle of the night for the kids
loads and unloads the dishwasher
hands washes other dishes
cleans the toilet

Here are a few of the many things he sacrifices:

alone time
video games
TV
warm meals
sleep
hobbies
hanging out with his buddies

The moment he held our first born it was clear he was going to be a great dad. He helped with everything. He got pooped on, spit up on, peed on and he just whipped it off and continued. There were times I just sat back and watched him. I was so grateful and proud that he was my man!

As far as husbands go, I must say I have one of the best. The lists above tell you that. He also puts up with me. I see no need in hiding my emotions, therefore I am emotional. Also I am extremely dependent on him (to a fault at times). I crave his undivided attention when I’m talking. I tend to be over critical at times and sometimes my pride takes over. Yeah I know, I’m full of faults. But who isn’t. All I know is my husband loves me. He knew what he was getting into when we got married. He tells me “I love you” a hundred times a day. He kisses me good-bye before he leaves for work every morning. The kids (and dog) greet him at the door every evening and when he’s done hugging and kissing them he makes his way through the sea of toys on the floor to find me and kiss me. He says he is so blessed to have found me, but I think it’s the other way around… I’m the blessed one.

Thank you God for bring him to me. I couldn’t ask for a better husband and father to my children. Thank you!

The Intro

My Marriage-

Chad and I have been happily married for almost 5 years. Yes, we have had struggles and difficult times but we work together to triumph over the challenges of marriage.
When I was almost 22 years old I agreed to go to the Monster Jam in Portland Oregon with Chad. We hit it off and had a blast! There was hardly a day that went by that we were not together. We met each other’s families and friends and over time we fell in love.  About a year after our first date he pulled me outside so we could be alone, got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I cried and said yes! Six months of planning, stress and a couple thousand dollars later, we were married. Everything was perfect! We moved in together, got a puppy named Wally, and enjoyed being newlyweds. Just 2 months later we found out we were going to have our first baby. Different challenges came our way once we added kids to the mix.
Chad and I do our best to meet each other’s needs. We took the online Love Language test and that has helped us tremendously in our marriage. Daily I have to remind myself to take time for Chad, that’s my biggest challenge. I’m so focused on the kids all day that when Chad and I do get alone time all I can think about is relaxing or cleaning. He has helped me realize that our kids are important but so is our marriage. We work together daily to make our marriage stronger. I know I couldn’t live without my hubby. He is my best friend!

My kids-

In June 2009 we welcomed our first born son, Michael, into the world. My water broke (two weeks early) and 24 hours later he arrived by an unplanned C-section. It was love at first sight. Finally holding his little body in my arms was an amazing feeling. Michael was a wonderful baby. He only cried when he needed something and even then it was a “quiet” cry. A VERY short four months later we found out baby number two was on the way. I cried. I didn’t know what to do. I was scared. My husband saw I was upset and one night he took my hand and said “I know you don’t feel ready. But this is a gift from God. He will take care of us.” Hearing this changed my view on this unexpected pregnancy.
In June 2010 my daughter, Emily, arrived (via C-section) announcing her coming for all to hear. With her heart beat and breathing irregular, she had to be rushed to the nursery. Six hours later Chad brought her to me. She suffered from a type of shock. Sometimes the transition from the womb to the cool air of the world can send a baby into shock. All babies react differently to their arrival, she simply liked the womb better. When we brought her home I quickly realized, even though her and Michael share the same blood, they were nothing alike. Emily was colic. She screamed and screamed. Most days I would just lie on the floor and cry with her. I would go to bed every night with a migraine. If it wasn’t for my amazing, God-given husband I strongly believe I would have “lost it”. Once he got home from work he helped with Michael and Emily, cooking, cleaning, and he put the kids to bed so I could get some sleep. I don’t know what I would do without him.
In April 2012 my baby boy, Samuel, (at a whoppin’ nine pounds) joined our family by yet another C-section. He was my only child I successfully breastfed. It was a remarkable feeling. Even though I am not breastfeeding anymore I still feel this incredible bond between us that I don’t have with my other two. Plus he’s my baby, my last baby. When I was pregnant with Sam, my husband and I agreed this would be our last baby. Right before Sam was born Chad went “under the knife”, no more kids for us.
Now, Michael is almost four, Emily is almost three and Sam is almost fourteen months and we couldn’t be happier. Yes we have our ups and downs just like everyone else. Yes my house is never clean but friends and family understand. Yes I’m the one with the screaming kid at the grocery store because I said “no” to candy or a toy, but I’m teaching my kids you don’t always get what you want. Yes I never get time alone but I don’t need it to be happy. We have a very normal, happy family.